The Second Girl That Led Me On

My best friend that I was secretly in love with at the time, now had a boyfriend and less and less time for me. Her absence reminded me that other people aside from her existed, so I decided to spend more time with our other friends. Our friend Jessica invited me to go hang out with her friends upstairs on the fourth floor.

I’ve never even been to the fourth floor before. Why would I even go there? The love of my life lived on the first floor after all. We went upstairs and hung out with people I’ve never seen before. We all lived in the same building, well I practically lived there, yet they were complete strangers. They were also some of the coolest people I’ve ever met.

So I met her, the next girl who led me on. She was super cool, chill and gorgeous. We hung out, talked and laughed. I don’t really remember what about to be honest, but I do remember that we definitely clicked really well. We exchanged numbers that day. She also asked me about my sexuality and I told her that I was bisexual. After that, we started texting and it turned into an everyday thing. All of a sudden I was on the fourth floor all the time and the love of my life started looking like just a friend.

We would go on cigarette hunts in the dorm. She never bought any cigarettes because she would just bum them from other people. One night, I decided to bum as many cigarettes as I could while we were out partying. I think I devoted my efforts entirely to this cause as some kind of romantic act. So I gathered about 10 cigarettes and on our way back to the dorm I presented my gift of love to her. Look babe, 10 cigarettes. She loved it.

She was a flirt and a real good one. Her flirting skills were probably the reason that no one ever said no to her when she asked for a cigarette. She was the type of girl that if you didn’t have a cigarette when she asked, your ass would probably drive to Walgreens to buy a pack in case she asks again. And brah, you don’t even smoke like that.

The girl had some kind of magnetism going on for her. Thinking back to it, it’s interesting how the heart works. First, I was in love with a girl who was a saint. I idealized her because she was everything that I wasn’t. Later, I was falling for a girl who was a flirt and liked to drink, smoke, and party. A girl who was a lot more like me.

One night, we went out to party with everyone. By the end of the night, and after probably many drinks, she was all over me. I was trying to be a good person and wanted to respect the fact that she had a boyfriend. Oh yeah, she had a boyfriend, I almost forgot to mention. Honestly, I didn’t want her to do something that she would regret, so I tried to keep my distance. When she sat on my lap on the bus back and tried to kiss me, every ounce of me wanted to kiss her back. I didn’t. After we got back to her room and attempted to sleep, I knew that the night would be difficult.

It’s crazy because after seeing 1,000 lesbian movies and then thinking back, this felt exactly like we were in one. We laid there on her bed with our eyes closed. Occasionally opening our eyes to see if the other was watching. Momentarily catching each other’s gaze before closing our eyes again. Even though my eyes were closed, I felt her presence so clearly as our bodies naturally gravitated towards each other. The space between us grew smaller and smaller and the heat projecting from her body became warmer and warmer. Now all that was left was for one of us to make a move.

I grabbed her neck gently but with intent. We kissed. Then we kissed over and over again. We touched, and it felt like a touch that was meant to be. To her, it was probably a moment of weakness that reflected her lust for her long distance love. When I woke up she was still asleep and I simply left. I regretted that morning because it was the last time that I would ever be that close to her.

Tag: 20 Favorite Things

Hi guys, so I’ve been tagged to share 20 of my favorite things. Here goes:

1. Dessert:  Molten chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. Yum

2. Color: Blue, almost everything I own is blue. If we ever meet, I would probably be wearing blue and will show up in my blue car.

3. Flower:  Probably roses

4. Smell: Anything that’s not too fruity or too strong.

5. Animal: I have a dog so I have to say dogs. I like cats too but only when they act like a dog.

6. Month: March because of my birthday

7. Beverage: I mostly drink water but I do crave coke every now and then. As for alcohol, I like tequila so a margarita on the rocks for me.

8. Shoes: Sneakers

9. Snacks: Is it weird that I don’t really snack much? Maybe a Popsicle… or cheese. I love cheese.

10. Songs: Hard to choose. I’ve been listening to  Fight Song by Rachel Platten all the time to motivate myself.

11. Books: Haven’t read a book for fun since high school. Maybe I should get to it. Any suggestions?

12. Hairstyle: Out (curly or straight), or in a pony tail

13. Fruit:  I usually eat bananas, apples and mandarins. I also really like pineapple and watermelon but I don’t buy them because I am too lazy to cut them.

14: Makeup: Not big on makeup but I do wear eyeliner & sometimes eyeshadow for a special occasion.

15: Stores to shop: I recently discovered that Marshall’s is pretty awesome

16. Season: Spring; not too cold, not too hot,  just perfect.

17. Hobby: taking pics & playing around with Photoshop

18: Things to collect: I don’t really collect anything but once I get a full time job I would love to collect sneakers.

19: Movies: I love too many movies. Recent ones would be Jurassic World, X-men, Maleficent, Focus, Ted. OK let me stop there before this list grows too big.

20: Restaurant: Olive Garden

BONUS: 21. TV show: I also love too many shows. Right now I’m watching Satisfaction, Playing House, The Fosters, Mr. Robot, and Chasing Life. I feel like I’m leaving one out.

Thanks for reading 🙂

First girl who led me on

After my first girlfriend and I broke up I wasn’t sure about my identity. I wasn’t out to everyone, only to my closest friends. On the other hand, I wasn’t really sure what I was out as. I questioned if I was bisexual or a lesbian. But because I was someone who was recently exploring my sexuality, I decided to go with bisexual. I’m not sure if I’m a dreamer, but I’ve always believed that all true love stories begin unexpectedly. I was never the type to go out and find a significant other; I simply let it happen to me. And with that being so, I had lost all hope that I’d find myself a new girlfriend while in high school. I thought that unexpected love doesn’t happen so soon after it had just happened, and I was probably right.

So after my first, I simply went back to how things were before. Not in my mind or heart, but in my actions. I went back to appreciating the attention of boys and dating them as well. The truth is that I had told myself that I would find the right girl once I went to college. I mean, society has taught us that even straight girls get down with other girls once they attend university. Which made me hopeful for that future (I was apparently a pervert). So I dated a few boys after my break up with my first girl. Don’t get me wrong I had fun and I liked them, but it never felt right.

To continue the story, I finally got through high school and was accepted into college, and of course no one warned me about the straight flirtatious girls. On a side note, apparently I’ve looked like a lesbian all my life. College taught me that when the curious and  the egocentric girls want some attention from a lesbian/bisexual, they simply lead you on. First I met a girl, in which I can write a whole story just about her. She’s like the best girl I’ve ever met. I mean she was good looking but it was more than that, she was simply amazing. But one quick fact, she was straight.

She was so amazing that I, the slacker and procrastinator, actually wanted to do homework with her. I’ve read about how the right person for you is the one who inspires you to be better. If this girl was into girls and liked me, she would’ve been the one. Anyway, we become super close and spend every free second of our time together. She even used to be the big spoon to my little spoon when I slept over. When she wanted to be the little spoon, if she didn’t ask, she simply grabbed my hand and pulled my arm over her. One time, I’m not sure if it was a dream, it probably was, but I think that she gave me a quick kiss on the lips while I was asleep. I was too scared of opening my eyes when “it happened”, so I didn’t. Now I can’t decide whether it was real or a dream.

Just to get to the point, of course it led to heartbreak on my part. Not a real one, because we weren’t together,  but a heartbreak nonetheless. We began spending less and less time together because she found herself a boyfriend. I could no longer sleep over and share a tiny twin bed with her because he took my place.  Me semi-jealous but not really, because deep down I knew we would never happen anyway. Eventually, I moved on to a new group of friends, where I met the next girl who led me on.

The summer I realized I like girls

Before the summer of high school sophomore year, I never realized that I might be different. One ordinary day, out of nowhere, I saw a girl and I was mesmerized. Everyday I would go to my summer job and look around for her, but not to talk to her, but to simply look at her and to know that she was there that day. When she didn’t show up, I would wonder why she hadn’t come, and then the next day I would listen to see if she spoke of a reason. It was weird, I know, specially since I didn’t actually have a crush on her. I simply liked looking at her and occasionally smiling at her when she looked back at me. This was the first time that I began to consider that I might actually be into girls.

I never intended to actually speak to her, and I never really did. We exchanged a few words for work’s sake and that was the end of it. Eventually, my summer job ended and I completely forgot about the girl and moved on with my life. The fact that I had a boyfriend probably contributed to the situation. We were together for what felt like forever; about 4 of my young years. We were an innocent couple, until we got to high school, but that’s another story all together. Anyway, things began to change in our relationship and I didn’t realize it until I met a girl.

If love at first sight exists, I think this was almost it. We clicked right away, like we had known each other forever. Honestly, to this day, I don’t think I have met anyone that I felt so connected with so soon after meeting them (actually maybe one other girl, but she was just a tease). We became instant friends, and neither of us realized that we were into each other, I think. We became inseparable, and we had so much in common that we were almost the same person. My bisexual friend who hung out with us all the time always felt the need to tell me “you guys like each other!” My response always followed with, “No!” Specially since the girl had a boyfriend, and oh wait, so did I.

This is where I think my relationship with my boyfriend began to change. I didn’t want to be in the same room with him and her. I avoided it at all cost. I did not want to hold his hand in the hallway anymore because, hey what if my new “friend” sees us? And No, I didn’t tell her that I had a boyfriend, but to my defense it never came up. Anyway, we became real close, always hanging out, and I think I fell in love. I broke up with my boyfriend, not because of her, but because something had changed in me. Later, she moved to another city that was about 1.5 hours away.

Whoa. I just made a new best friend in like 3 months, I am secretly in love with her, and then she leaves. I was devastated, but I got over it (sort of). Until the day that she decided to send me a message on Facebook telling me that she thinks there is something wrong with her. So then the good friend to the rescue (that’s me) tries to help and asks, “What’s wrong? You can talk to me if there’s something on your mind,” or something like that. The second she told me that she thinks she likes girls, I immediately confessed my crush that I had on her while she was still attending my school. So then we dated, she was my first girlfriend, my first real kiss with a girl, my first time kissing the other set of lips ( 😉 ), and it was amazing. Everything was amazing. She was so soft, it was different and it was exhilarating. Unfortunately, she still lived 1.5 hours away and the long distance didn’t work. But to this day, I still remember how wonderful she is, and how she opened up my world. I am thankful to have met her. I remember when she broke up with me, I asked her how could she just leave me and forget about me, and I remember her exact words, “you were my first girl, I’m never going to forget about you.” It was bittersweet.