My best friend that I was secretly in love with at the time, now had a boyfriend and less and less time for me. Her absence reminded me that other people aside from her existed, so I decided to spend more time with our other friends. Our friend Jessica invited me to go hang out with her friends upstairs on the fourth floor.
I’ve never even been to the fourth floor before. Why would I even go there? The love of my life lived on the first floor after all. We went upstairs and hung out with people I’ve never seen before. We all lived in the same building, well I practically lived there, yet they were complete strangers. They were also some of the coolest people I’ve ever met.
So I met her, the next girl who led me on. She was super cool, chill and gorgeous. We hung out, talked and laughed. I don’t really remember what about to be honest, but I do remember that we definitely clicked really well. We exchanged numbers that day. She also asked me about my sexuality and I told her that I was bisexual. After that, we started texting and it turned into an everyday thing. All of a sudden I was on the fourth floor all the time and the love of my life started looking like just a friend.
We would go on cigarette hunts in the dorm. She never bought any cigarettes because she would just bum them from other people. One night, I decided to bum as many cigarettes as I could while we were out partying. I think I devoted my efforts entirely to this cause as some kind of romantic act. So I gathered about 10 cigarettes and on our way back to the dorm I presented my gift of love to her. Look babe, 10 cigarettes. She loved it.
She was a flirt and a real good one. Her flirting skills were probably the reason that no one ever said no to her when she asked for a cigarette. She was the type of girl that if you didn’t have a cigarette when she asked, your ass would probably drive to Walgreens to buy a pack in case she asks again. And brah, you don’t even smoke like that.
The girl had some kind of magnetism going on for her. Thinking back to it, it’s interesting how the heart works. First, I was in love with a girl who was a saint. I idealized her because she was everything that I wasn’t. Later, I was falling for a girl who was a flirt and liked to drink, smoke, and party. A girl who was a lot more like me.
One night, we went out to party with everyone. By the end of the night, and after probably many drinks, she was all over me. I was trying to be a good person and wanted to respect the fact that she had a boyfriend. Oh yeah, she had a boyfriend, I almost forgot to mention. Honestly, I didn’t want her to do something that she would regret, so I tried to keep my distance. When she sat on my lap on the bus back and tried to kiss me, every ounce of me wanted to kiss her back. I didn’t. After we got back to her room and attempted to sleep, I knew that the night would be difficult.
It’s crazy because after seeing 1,000 lesbian movies and then thinking back, this felt exactly like we were in one. We laid there on her bed with our eyes closed. Occasionally opening our eyes to see if the other was watching. Momentarily catching each other’s gaze before closing our eyes again. Even though my eyes were closed, I felt her presence so clearly as our bodies naturally gravitated towards each other. The space between us grew smaller and smaller and the heat projecting from her body became warmer and warmer. Now all that was left was for one of us to make a move.
I grabbed her neck gently but with intent. We kissed. Then we kissed over and over again. We touched, and it felt like a touch that was meant to be. To her, it was probably a moment of weakness that reflected her lust for her long distance love. When I woke up she was still asleep and I simply left. I regretted that morning because it was the last time that I would ever be that close to her.